So, until I get way better at writing content for this, just be forewarned that a lot of these posts are going to kind of be all over the place.
Obviously, I'm female - and as such being a "gamer" or even called a gamer can be... tricky. Especially when confronted with mic-required content in games like Destiny. When most players are male, or at least most who are on the mic are - it can be a roll of the dice for a female player to actually speak during anything like that.
Typically, I avoid any mic-required content, that includes raids. Because I've yet to find an all female or at least female friendly clan that is actually active. Yes, here we are year whatever more than one on Destiny 2 and I have played both Destiny 1 and 2 and have never done a raid. Not because I don't want to but because I'm painfully shy.
Now, that's not to say that I have never spoken on the mic in game, I have and, while, a few times it's been fine there have been others where... okay so you, as a female, will speak and it's followed by a deafening silence. And you just know that the dudes are going "... is that a girl?..." and if a girl is lucky when that happens, it's just glossed over like nothing happened and they're treated fine. Or, more often than not, they pretty much will ignore her from there on out. And, yes, it does happen - she can be met with harassment to put it lightly.
Anyway - I digress, the point here is that I'm not, by any stretch of the imagination, a shitty player. I know my stuff and while I may not always have the highest kill count in strikes or crucible, I almost always have the highest assists and revives given. And I'm okay with that. It doesn't bother me.
What bothers me is that there is this whole chunk of content that I can't do solo and am forced to deal with other people, who will more than likely be men.
For example: I was playing Destiny 1 about a month ago (yes, I so go back and forth) and I was on my hunter Exo, Wyatt-3. Yeah, he's a dude but that's hardly an accurate representation of the player - there are a lot of dudes who have female characters and it's fine. Anyway, I was invited by a group in world to join in their play, I accepted because why not, right? Now, this is on me because I have done zero research into the Vault of Glass beyond knowing that you have to shoot the glowing squares. I was a part of their group for about 10 minutes before I just left, because, while I was setting up my mic (finding it and plugging it in because I generally won't play with it plugged in if I'm just using the headphones because it's late and the houses is asleep), anyway! While I was setting up my mic, I hear one that we're apparently doing a raid... okay... why not right? But also while I'm loading in I hear in the group chat or whatever the constant reference to "he" and "him" (referring to me). Now, that's not necessarily bad, by any means, but it usually is a small blinking red light in the corner of the psyche that the fact that the automatic assumption is that I'm a dude is there. But, I don't fault them for it, not really. I mean, my gamer tag is fairly ambiguous and I am playing a dude character. So, I get my mic set up, finally get to the doorway which I've been totally left behind at this point. I greet them "hey guys" and say something along the lines of "yeah, so I've never done this... where do I jump to?" (literally, totally the only one out of six that was standing in the beginning, trying to jump here and there, etc and completely dying every time). Then, there was that dead silence for a good thirty seconds before I hear, "Oh... so... you're a girl?" (insert not amused face here). When I say yeah, and am all like "I'd like to do this but I honestly have no idea how to even get to where you guys are." One of the guys started snickering, which could be easily chalked up to him being all "haha noob". (I'm level 40 thank you very much and have done all of the campaigns.) Then one of the guys starts trying to explain where to jump, in rather vague terms like "look over there on the wall, there's a ledge, that's where you need to go and then just kind of follow it around" (anyone who has stood at the start of that raid knows that you are quite literally surrounded by walls...) And so, I ask, "The vex wall or the cave wall?" Because I, once again, kept dying. The same guy sighs and starts to speak only to be interrupted by another one of them that goes "you'll have to be more specific dude, she is a girl." And the first sort-of helpful guy goes, in a tone not joking either, "this is true." Followed by me just going "wow... yeah, y'all have fun." And I left because why? There's no dealing with people like that.
This is by far not the only encounter like this that I've personally had. It's not all bad, the dudes that I ran Shattered Throne with were really cool. I've also run Shattered Throne with a couple of girls, which was fun and they were super helpful, meanwhile, I was pretty much the one leading those dudes around to collect the bones and stuff because they didn't know where to go, which I didn't mind at all. I had been the one with videos up and at the ready, so that was fine.
The point is... encounters like the one I described are the exact reason a lot of gamer girls won't talk in things like that, they'll just be in the chat like "oh, I don't have a mic" or "my mic's busted" when in reality, (while that might be true) they just don't want to deal with the very real and possible bullshit that comes along with basically revealing yourself as female in a gaming setting.
Now, this doesn't change the way I look at games like Destiny, it just reinforces the solo mentality. I've been playing D2 since it came out and I've completely nearly every seasonal challenge, I've done pretty damned good and I've done it all with zero clan help when I was in one.
I'd love to find an all girl clan that is active or at least a clan that's fine with female gamers. I've thought about starting my own but honestly, I have so many projects that I would constantly feel that I'm somehow neglecting it. I've applied to the 100 Girls in Destiny or Girls of Destiny clan or whatever but haven't heard anything back. I plan to go clan-shopping again because I seriously want to complete the Leviathan raid now that they're taking it off of the game in November. I'd like to do all of the raids, honestly.
So, to wrap it up - girls in gaming do have to deal with BS from other male players, it's real and it's a well known thing. And it's sad that the Destiny community does have these assholes in it, they're out there - among you, right now. If you're a dude and you're in a group where shit like what I described goes down, you should butt in and be all "uh... dude, no." And if you don't, well then, you're just part of the problem.
Obviously, I'm female - and as such being a "gamer" or even called a gamer can be... tricky. Especially when confronted with mic-required content in games like Destiny. When most players are male, or at least most who are on the mic are - it can be a roll of the dice for a female player to actually speak during anything like that.
Typically, I avoid any mic-required content, that includes raids. Because I've yet to find an all female or at least female friendly clan that is actually active. Yes, here we are year whatever more than one on Destiny 2 and I have played both Destiny 1 and 2 and have never done a raid. Not because I don't want to but because I'm painfully shy.
Now, that's not to say that I have never spoken on the mic in game, I have and, while, a few times it's been fine there have been others where... okay so you, as a female, will speak and it's followed by a deafening silence. And you just know that the dudes are going "... is that a girl?..." and if a girl is lucky when that happens, it's just glossed over like nothing happened and they're treated fine. Or, more often than not, they pretty much will ignore her from there on out. And, yes, it does happen - she can be met with harassment to put it lightly.
Now, I'm a solo-player, I'll touch more on that in another post but for now, let's just say that unless it had mechanics that basically required a mic, I have done it. I've done Shattered Throne, I have every Ahamkara bone except the two that are past encounters in the Last Wish raid (I even go in there and loot that ONE chest every week, so I know the wish wall - I even have the freaking triumph associated with making like 15 wishes or something), I have every stupid egg except that ONE in the raid. I've got Whisper, I've got Bad Juju, etc. My hunter exotic collection is literally only missing what's in the raids.
Anyway - I digress, the point here is that I'm not, by any stretch of the imagination, a shitty player. I know my stuff and while I may not always have the highest kill count in strikes or crucible, I almost always have the highest assists and revives given. And I'm okay with that. It doesn't bother me.
What bothers me is that there is this whole chunk of content that I can't do solo and am forced to deal with other people, who will more than likely be men.
For example: I was playing Destiny 1 about a month ago (yes, I so go back and forth) and I was on my hunter Exo, Wyatt-3. Yeah, he's a dude but that's hardly an accurate representation of the player - there are a lot of dudes who have female characters and it's fine. Anyway, I was invited by a group in world to join in their play, I accepted because why not, right? Now, this is on me because I have done zero research into the Vault of Glass beyond knowing that you have to shoot the glowing squares. I was a part of their group for about 10 minutes before I just left, because, while I was setting up my mic (finding it and plugging it in because I generally won't play with it plugged in if I'm just using the headphones because it's late and the houses is asleep), anyway! While I was setting up my mic, I hear one that we're apparently doing a raid... okay... why not right? But also while I'm loading in I hear in the group chat or whatever the constant reference to "he" and "him" (referring to me). Now, that's not necessarily bad, by any means, but it usually is a small blinking red light in the corner of the psyche that the fact that the automatic assumption is that I'm a dude is there. But, I don't fault them for it, not really. I mean, my gamer tag is fairly ambiguous and I am playing a dude character. So, I get my mic set up, finally get to the doorway which I've been totally left behind at this point. I greet them "hey guys" and say something along the lines of "yeah, so I've never done this... where do I jump to?" (literally, totally the only one out of six that was standing in the beginning, trying to jump here and there, etc and completely dying every time). Then, there was that dead silence for a good thirty seconds before I hear, "Oh... so... you're a girl?" (insert not amused face here). When I say yeah, and am all like "I'd like to do this but I honestly have no idea how to even get to where you guys are." One of the guys started snickering, which could be easily chalked up to him being all "haha noob". (I'm level 40 thank you very much and have done all of the campaigns.) Then one of the guys starts trying to explain where to jump, in rather vague terms like "look over there on the wall, there's a ledge, that's where you need to go and then just kind of follow it around" (anyone who has stood at the start of that raid knows that you are quite literally surrounded by walls...) And so, I ask, "The vex wall or the cave wall?" Because I, once again, kept dying. The same guy sighs and starts to speak only to be interrupted by another one of them that goes "you'll have to be more specific dude, she is a girl." And the first sort-of helpful guy goes, in a tone not joking either, "this is true." Followed by me just going "wow... yeah, y'all have fun." And I left because why? There's no dealing with people like that.
This is by far not the only encounter like this that I've personally had. It's not all bad, the dudes that I ran Shattered Throne with were really cool. I've also run Shattered Throne with a couple of girls, which was fun and they were super helpful, meanwhile, I was pretty much the one leading those dudes around to collect the bones and stuff because they didn't know where to go, which I didn't mind at all. I had been the one with videos up and at the ready, so that was fine.
The point is... encounters like the one I described are the exact reason a lot of gamer girls won't talk in things like that, they'll just be in the chat like "oh, I don't have a mic" or "my mic's busted" when in reality, (while that might be true) they just don't want to deal with the very real and possible bullshit that comes along with basically revealing yourself as female in a gaming setting.
Now, this doesn't change the way I look at games like Destiny, it just reinforces the solo mentality. I've been playing D2 since it came out and I've completely nearly every seasonal challenge, I've done pretty damned good and I've done it all with zero clan help when I was in one.
I'd love to find an all girl clan that is active or at least a clan that's fine with female gamers. I've thought about starting my own but honestly, I have so many projects that I would constantly feel that I'm somehow neglecting it. I've applied to the 100 Girls in Destiny or Girls of Destiny clan or whatever but haven't heard anything back. I plan to go clan-shopping again because I seriously want to complete the Leviathan raid now that they're taking it off of the game in November. I'd like to do all of the raids, honestly.
So, to wrap it up - girls in gaming do have to deal with BS from other male players, it's real and it's a well known thing. And it's sad that the Destiny community does have these assholes in it, they're out there - among you, right now. If you're a dude and you're in a group where shit like what I described goes down, you should butt in and be all "uh... dude, no." And if you don't, well then, you're just part of the problem.
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